There are absolutely times that I don't feel like fasting, or reading my Bible, or praying, or worshiping, or any other of the spiritual disciplines. There are times when it feels like I'm going through the motions and when the actions that I do are stale. There are times when my relationship with God feels distant and I feel apathetic. There are times when everything about following Christ feels empty. There are times when my relationship with God is incredibly fulfilling and I feel so satisfied in Him! There are times when all I want to do is rejoice in who He is and what He has done. There are times when my relationship with Jesus brings me such amazing Joy! Feelings can be great!
But Love is not a feeling.
My relationship with Christ is not based on how I feel, much in the same way that my relationship with family and loved ones is not based on how I feel toward them at any given moment. If those relationships were based on feelings, I would give up every time things became difficult, or communication was stressful, or I was dissatisfied or disappointed or tired or hungry. My feelings are fickle! I can't base my human relationships on how I feel, so why is that mentality so prevalent in regards to a relationship with God?
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. I choose to stick with my family through the hard times (and by the grace of God they stick with me!) knowing that those hard times do pass. When I tell someone that I love them, I'm reaffirming my commitment to them and to the relationship between us. When a relationship is damaged I might not necessarily feel like putting forth the effort to mend it, but unless something changes the relationship will continue to grow distant. By putting my own feelings aside and meeting the other person wherever they may be, I'm showing them the depth of my love. I'm not trying to prove that I love them, but I am acting out that love.
When I feel distant from God and that relationship feels empty, I need to discipline myself to continue to pray, to continue to read His Word, and to continue to seek Him. It is the times when those feelings are gone that I need to press in and practice spiritual disciplines the most. When those feelings are gone and I still press in to God, I'm saying (to myself almost more than to God) that He is more important to me than the way that I feel; that He is more constant than my immediate emotional state of being; that relationship with Him is worth the effort even if I don't see immediate results.
God has already made the ultimate display of Love in the life, ministry, and sacrifice of Christ Jesus. He has already met us where we were (and continues to meet us where we are) that we may be reconciled to Him and know His great Love. Therefore, when I feel emptiness, when I feel distance, when I feel stale and apathetic toward God, it is because of the state of my own heart, not because He has failed me in some way. It is because I have grown complacent, or prideful, or self-satisfied, or entitled, or any number of things that I gravitate toward naturally. I need the outside structure of disciplines - of Lent - to keep my own feelings in their proper place.
Lord, please use this season of Lent to draw me closer to You. Remind me that my relationship with you is garnished by feelings, but that those feelings do not make up the substance of our relationship. Remind me to seek You in the faith that You are always there and that You desire to be found by me. I pray that You would draw me into deeper relationship with You, and that You would give me the grace to continue to seek You even when I don't feel like it. I love You, Lord.
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