Oh goodness. I honestly didn't mean to let it go this long! To assure anyone who may be concerned, I did not die in Wyoming. In fact, I loved it so much that I'm going back full-time! Soon!
Praise the Lord, my monthly support is at a point where I can begin full-time at SROM! I'm still a bit shy of my monthly goals, but I have enough in a one-time-gift account to supplement my current support levels so that I (should) have enough to pay rent and maybe buy food occasionally. My incredibly supportive mother and I will start the drive early on the 1st, drive straight through the day, and arrive in Laramie later that night. I'll have the weekend to get settled in (most likely in temporary housing...please be praying for the provision of housing!) and I start full-time on Monday the 4th!
During our course back in September (it really has been far too long since I've updated this blog. Again, apologies!) we were given a pretty thorough introduction to SROM as an organization, their philosophy of ministry, their heart for the students they take on course, and their response to those who wonder "why wilderness?" The more I learned about SROM, the more I got to experience the courses as a student, and the more I saw the heart of the Lord in every single one of the staff at the SROM base, the more I was blown away by the realization that I get to go back. I get to be a part of this incredible ministry! As I was rereading some of my journal entries from course, I came across one from our first few days where I ask God "Who am I that You have given me this experience and have called me to this place?" Directly below this question is the response "You are My daughter, and I love you."
This became a recurring theme for me throughout the course. My question of "what have I done?" immediately puts the focus on me. But God resets my identity as stemming from Him; i am His daughter. Those who know me know that I consistently struggle with perfectionism and the need to perform. On course I was reminded again and again that God loves me and claims me as His daughter (again and again). Just as I am. Simple? Elementary? That's the gospel.
Most of our discussions on course stemmed from the dichotomy between the heart of the orphan and the heart of a son. This is an incredibly important concept, and one I will definitely be returning to and unpacking more in future posts. Briefly, the heart of an orphan is a heart of insecure striving: striving to please God and others, striving to get by in an unforgiving world, striving to be loved. The heart of a son (or daughter) is one of response: I trust God's love and I trust that I am eagerly welcomed at His table. I am freed from the pressure to prove that I am His daughter, freed from the pressure to perform as His daughter, and freed from the lie that I must produce in order to keep my position as His daughter. Therefore, I am free to respond to His love; I am free to love others more purely and selflessly; I am free to recognize and exercise the gifts He has given me.
This is huge. This kind of Love and delight is something that I see so many of my peers hunger for without really understanding what it is they're missing. I see the heart of the orphan as a characteristic of the Millennial generation (something we talked at length about during our WMPC course, and something I will also be returning to in future posts!) and something that I am burdened to speak to.
John writes beautifully on this:
"This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: if our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. The one who keeps God's commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us." (1 John 3:19-24 NIV)
Though our orphan hearts condemn us, God is much greater than our hearts. He knows our hearts better than we do, so it's not as if He's unaware of the things we've done or neglected to do. His desire is for us to confidently approach His table and bask in His presence; not confident because of our own righteousness, but confident because of our belief in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ.
This is the heart of the Lord! Because of that, it is also the heart and purpose of the ministry at SROM. And I get to be a part of that. Praise the Lord!
