Transitioning from SROM

It's been a crazy journey these past two and a half years.

Ryan and I started feeling the Lord whisper that it would soon be time to leave SROM several months ago. In my heart and mind, I thought that meant we'd be transitioning in about a year or so. As January progressed, the Lord made it clear that, no, next fall was not His timing. Nor was May (my next thought). I had all but settled on telling my director that I would be leaving at the end of March, but it was immediately clear that March was still delaying too long. So, last Friday I met with my director and let him know that I would be leaving SROM at the end of this month. My two weeks' notice.

On one level, I have a pretty good idea of what this next season is going to look like. I will be working part-time for a pregnancy care clinic in Laramie for March and April, and I will move to full-time there in May. 

On another level, I have an idea of what I'd like this next season to involve, but I have no idea what this new season will actually be like. 

The phrase that I've had jostling around in my over-crowded brain these past few weeks has been to look for the gold in the every-day. My appetite for reading has voraciously returned, and I've been re-discovering deep truths about God, people, and myself in the pages of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. I've been listening to lyrics more intentionally, and been encouraged and surprised by how they resonate with me. I've been struck by the beauty of people. And I've been reminded of the tender grace of God to highlight these things in my life. It's not always easy for me to see the beauty of what's directly in front of me, but it's a discipline I want to regain.

So, bear with me, friends. This season will be a lot of working to see gold. It might be refined, it might be raw. I think it's pretty neat either way.

On Bravery

"You make me brave. You make me brave. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves."

I was listening to this song on and off throughout the week at work, and it wasn't until yesterday that the thought struck me...what do I consider being brave? Listening to this song conjures images of radical acts of selflessness and courage in my mind - overseas missions, innercity missions, standing for the truth and facing real persecution. But what does being brave mean to me in my every day life?

Is it brave to love, support, and submit to my husband when we can't reach an agreement?

Is it brave to offer tea and a place to cry to a friend who has been hurt?

Is it brave to honor those in authority over me?

Is it brave to offer my best work each day at my 8-5 desk job?

Is it brave to love well?

Is it brave to act in obedience, even when I'm bitterly disappointed by giving something up?

Is it brave to raise a family and teach them to love Jesus and to obey His Word?

Is it brave to tithe faithfully?

Is it brave to persevere when I feel taken for granted?

Personally, I see great bravery in people in my life on a daily basis. Consistent, quiet, faithful bravery. I see bravery lived out without calling attention to itself. I see bravery lived out as people choose an intentional life in the face of a world that applauds the easy superficiality. I see my siblings choosing to be parents rather than buddies to their kids. I see my father choosing to work long hours with excellence and integrity. I see my mother choosing to speak hard truths with much love. I see my husband humbly acknowledging when he is wrong, and being willing to grow and change. I see my friends standing for truth in small things that seem easier to compromise. I see fierce love for the orphans, the widows, the outcast, the slandered, the wronged, the forgotten. I see great bravery all around me, most of it stemming from obedience to the One who calls us to live a life that is radically different from the world around us.

Maundy Thursday

Lent is my favorite season in the liturgical calendar. I love the extended time to focus on the life, ministry, and death of Christ. And I love the anticipation that it builds toward celebrating the Resurrection! It can be such a beautiful season of fasting, grieving, and thorough celebration.

To be honest, this season of Lent hasn't felt very focused for me. Ryan and I were out of town for nearly every weekend in March, which put our search for a church home in Laramie on hold for a bit longer than we were expecting. In addition to that, work at SROM has been incredibly full and a little overwhelming for me at times. It's been a hard season to focus! But I'm realizing that I am thankful for two things: one, that my salvation is not based on whether or not I can keep myself focused and fasting for forty days. And, two, that there is still time to experience some of the richness of this season! God is so good like that, isn't He? To remind us of things that we've distracted ourselves from in enough time to still get to experience them! What a gift!

I pray that in this weekend is a time of rest and reflection. I pray for the grace to sit at the feet of my Lord and meditate on His sacrifice. I pray for a deeper understanding of the Resurrection, and an overwhelming joy and celebration on Sunday!
 

Jehovah Jireh

"Jehovah Jireh

My Provider

His grace is sufficient for me"

 

Ryan and I were in San Fransisco last week for his brother's wedding (which was spectacular!) and then spent the next few days exploring. We were so grateful to get to spend time with his family in California, and we couldn't be happier for Eric and Jenn! 

(my best man)

After the wedding on Saturday, we spent the next Sunday and Monday hanging out with his family and exploring local vineyards, olive oil presses, and the bay area of San Fransisco. We got a little taste of California's redwoods on Monday morning, which got us even more excited for Yosemite! We made it to the park on Tuesday evening, and even squeezed in a little hike after setting up camp Tuesday night. (We probably could have hiked for longer if I hadn't stopped so often to gape at the gorgeous views and take pictures of everything.)

 

Wednesday we hiked up the Mist Trail to Vernal and Nevada falls. We stopped for lunch at the top of Nevada Falls, and reconsidered our options for the rest of the day. Though we had initially thought of just hiking to the waterfalls, we changed our itinerary and decided to continue on the Muir Trail up to Glacier Point. It was a long, hot, dry hike, but the views were absolutely spectacular. The hike up the Panorama Trail gave us an incredible perspective, and we could see Half Dome, all of Vernal and Nevada Falls, and Illilouette Falls. From Glacier Point, we could see nearly the entire valley. It was well worth the 16+ miles and staggering back to camp after dark!

 

We slept in on Thursday morning, packed up camp, did a few quick (paved) trails to Lower Yosemite Falls and Bridal Veil Falls, and said goodbye to Yosemite. We had been hoping to spend some time in the Tahoe National Forest, but realized that it would take us way further out of our way than we had initially planned for. So we stopped at Lake Tahoe for a few hours instead!

Representing SROM at Lake Tahoe!

We drove across most of Nevada on Friday, and stopped for dinner in the little town of Wendover, just west of the Salt Flats of Utah. When we got back on the one-way section of I-80 after dinner, the dreaded engine light came on and the engine gauge indicated that we were in danger of overheating. We pulled over, popped the hood, and let the engine cool down a bit. Ryan checked the coolant levels and we were completely dry...it had sprayed out and was leaking out the bottom of the car. Thankfully we had filled up our water bottles before we had left that morning, so we had plenty of water to use until we could make it to a gas station (54 miles away) for coolant. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that easy. We started driving again, and almost immediately had to pull over again. The engine was still indicating dangerously high temperatures. As it turns out, the radiator hose had separated from the radiator, and all of our water had drained out. We had the Jeep towed to a local mechanic in Wendover and booked a hotel for the night. After the mechanic had taken a look at it, he showed Ryan and I that it wasn't as simple as replacing the radiator hose; the piece of the radiator that connects to the hose had completely melted off, and we would need to replace the entire radiator. He said he had found one at the local junkyard that seemed like it would work, and that he still would probably be able to get us on the road by closing time (3:00pm). If the one from the junkyard couldn't work, the mechanic said he could order one and have it in Wendover by Tuesday. (Tuesday!!)

(there's just something poetic about being broken down in the desert)

Long story short, the junkyard radiator was just different enough that it couldn't work. Ryan and I rented a car, drove to Salt Lake City, and searched for a radiator there. The parts store that had initially said they had the correct radiator had the same model as the junkyard: no good for us. We finally found a usable radiator in the little town of Toole, and made it back to Wendover at around 4:00pm. The mechanic (who I now believe is a chain-smoking angel on earth) stayed late in order to get the radiator in our Jeep and get us on the road!

As we were (finally) driving back to Wyoming, I had a lot of time to think about God and His provision. Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. God provided a radiator and a skilled (and generous) mechanic for us in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada! But that is not what makes God my Provider. 

God is my Provider because He has provided an atonement for my sin and a way back to restored relationship with Him. As the season of Lent draws to a close, I'm so grateful for this reminder! Yes, God has and continues to provide for Ryan and I. On a very tangible level, I get to continue to work at SROM because God provides financial support for me each and every month! But I think I can get too used to the idea that God provides what I think I need on a day-to-day basis, and I forget that the greatest demonstration of His provision is first and foremost that He provided a way for this sinner to return to Him. If we had been stuck in Wendover for a year, God would still be Provider. If all of my monthly financial support stopped today, God would still be Provider. If all of my perceived needs were never met again, God would still be Provider.

It's a hard concept for me to wrestle around in my mind. I confess, I think I've become comfortable. I've become accustomed to having enough to eat and a safe place to live; I'm accustomed to having my basic needs met. And while I absolutely recognize that it is all from God's hand that these things come, I'm tempted to base my understanding of His provision on whether or not my needs are being met. As Ryan and I were searching for a radiator, I confess being a little frustrated with God: "Why haven't You provided one yet? Are You going to provide in my timing, or am I going to have to figure this one out myself?" I began to wane in my trust of His provision because I was too narrowly focused on the here and now. Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient for me.

His grace is sufficient for me. In His grace, He provided a perfect Savior for me. If I don't see that as enough, I am woefully underestimating my own sinfulness and His righteousness.

Lord, You are my Provider. You provided a way where there was none. You provided a perfect sacrifice through Jesus, and You provide grace for each day. Thank You. And thank You for little day-to-day reminders of Your total provision. You are so Good. You are so Good to me.

On Valentines

Remember back in elementary school when you would bring in enough Valentines treats for everyone in your class, and everyone got candy taped to red cards with your name scrawled in purple or pink crayon? I think we should bring those days back. Those were great times...especially because the most common candies to distribute were Reese's, and Reese's are delicious.

I did some brief research on St. Valentine (VERY brief...as in I looked him up on Wikipedia and crossed my fingers hoping that it hadn't been 'revised' past all truth) and found an interesting note. According to Wikipedia, "the name "Valentine" derived from valens (worthy, strong, powerful)." (Full disclosure: I did do some minor punctuation edits to that quote.)

"Worthy, strong, powerful." I like that a heck of a lot better than the images usually conjured by Valentine's Day...images of pinks and reds and fuzzy baby animals blushing and blowing kisses to one another. (Not that those things are inherently bad, they're just not my thing.) "Worthy," "strong," and "powerful" are all words that I want to characterize my life and my love.

How do we love worthily? What does it mean to have a strong, powerful love? What does it mean to love like Jesus did? (I don't know, which is why I'm asking.)

I have been finding that love looks differently each time; that each person, each situation, each season needs a different expression of love than the last. Love focuses on the need at present, even if that need isn't immediately apparent. Thus, there is no one answer to the question of how to love in a manner that is worthy, strong, and powerful; in order for love to be worthy, strong, and powerful, it must be focused on the Loved rather than on the Lover's desire to love the 'right' way.

I want to live a life of worthy, strong, powerful love. But the only true Source of that kind of love that I can find is in Jesus. The only way I can hope to live that kind of love is by first and foremost receiving that love anew each day (each moment of each day), and through loving Jesus by loving those He loves. 

So, in this season of life, as I fondly remember pre-printed, perforated cardstock, glossy Valentine's cards, please know that I am thinking of all of you. I have a deep love you all of you that is sourced by the One who is Love. He loves you so much more than a Valentine could ever communicate, because He loves you more truly, worthily, strongly, and powerfully than we can ever imagine. And we are invited on a journey to explore that love, and share that love with each person in front of us. 

May we live and love in a manner that truly reflects that kind of love.

Lessons Learned in the Van

I've always loved road trips.  I love packing the car to best utilize every square inch of space.  I love putting together a snack box to treat myself to fresh fruit or veggies halfway down the road.  I even love the crappy gas station coffee as I watch the sun rise over the highway after driving for 3 hours.  I love making long playlists for different moods of the road:  mellow for the very beginning of the trip, but building quickly into golden classic rock songs to belt out as the highway stretches on to the horizon.  Or maybe I'm the only one who does that...that's okay too.

This past weekend, I got to drive down to El Paso with my church.  28 of us from our church piled into SROM's 2 new (used) 15-passenger vans early last week and started the 14-hour drive down south.  It reminded me a bit of the many hours I spent in similar vans on youth group trips in high school!  It was a great opportunity to get to connect with people in my church that I previously hadn't had a chance to get to know very well.  (It's amazing how quickly you can get to know people when you're crammed in the back seat together fighting the beginnings of feeling carsick.)

We arrived in Texas around 7:30pm on Thursday night and were warmly greeted by our church family in El Paso.  As exhausted as we were from the road trip, it was such a joy to connect and mingle with brothers and sisters in El Paso, from Kansas City, and from Fort Collins.  Even now as I reflect on it, our church family network is pretty amazing!  Ray, the pastor in El Paso, stood up to welcome us, orient us on the building we were staying in, and give us a basic schedule for the weekend (a very basic and very flexible schedule).  

Our Laramie church family had planned on going to Juarez to work with a children's ministry on Friday afternoon, which gave us time to solidify plans on Friday morning.  We also had an amazing time of prayer and worship on the roof of the school building!  It was amazing to get to look over the city of El Paso, and then turn and look over the border to Juarez.  We prayed for our time there and for the ministries on both sides of the Rio.  Piling again into our trusty vans, we crossed quickly over into Mexico and jumped in to help with the kids.  

I've done children's ministry in Hispanic cultures before, and every time I deeply wish I could speak Spanish!  But I'm also reminded of the love language of kids: playing.  We set up different games for the kids, had a puppet show, and painted faces, all with the heart to just love on the kids as much as we could!  I got to work at the face painting table, and quickly memorized the three most popular requests:  mariposa (butterfly), estrella (star), and corazón (heart).  As the afternoon passed, I slowly started remembering little bits and pieces of the Spanish I've collected from past trips...and it's amazing how quickly I forget them again!  

Saturday we split up and worked at two food distributions that the church in El Paso runs.  We spent the first two hours packing food into plastic bags for people to pick up as they came through.  The actual distribution is open from 10-12 the first Saturday of every month, and serves about 300 people at each location every month.  Along with caring for the physical needs of providing food, the church also offers to pray for each person that comes through.  Many smile, thank us for the food, and decline prayer.  But there are several who came through who eagerly accepted prayer.  Ray coached us to not fall into the trap of simply praying for their immediate situation (for a sickness, for provision of a job, for the healing of a family member).  He reminded us that the greatest thing we can offer them is Jesus, and it is Jesus who works all things (including immediate challenges and trials) together for His glory and His kingdom.

As we were packing the food, I kept thinking about Mary and Martha preparing for Jesus and his disciples.  I am a Martha by nature...I'm most comfortable being busy and packing the food and getting things done.  It's much harder for me to be Mary and to be content to simply sit at Jesus' feet and love as he loved:  without a schedule.  Once we were done packing and the people started coming in for the food distribution, there wasn't much for me to do other than smile and welcome them, and thank them for coming.  The entire time, my internal thoughts were running along the lines of "Is this really the best use of my time?  Aren't there other projects I could be working on?  What else can I be doing?"  But Jesus doesn't call us to always be doing.  He calls us to love the person in front of us.  And loving people means stopping myself from seeing people as another project to add to our missions trip to justify the long drive and the expense, and to look them in the eye and love them as Jesus loved them.  Without agenda, without impatience, without busyness.

Spending 14+ hours each way in a van provides ample time for reflection (another thing that I love about road trips).  As we were driving back on Sunday, I thought about what my agenda had been for the weekend, and what ended up being God's agenda.  The leadership in my church had much less of a project mentality, and much more of a person mentality.  We went to El Paso to connect with our church family and to support them in their ministry.  We didn't go so we could leave feeling like we had accomplished some sort of project; we didn't go because the church in El Paso needed us for any project of labor.  We went because they are our family, and we love them.

Matters of Consequence

"I know a planet where there is a certain red-faced gentleman.  He has never smelled a flower.  He has never looked at a star.  He has never loved anyone.  He has never done anything in his life but add up figures.  And all day he says over and over, just like you: 'I am busy with matters of consequence!'  And that makes him swell up with pride.  But he is not a man--he is a mushroom!"  (from The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

  Sometimes the most beautiful truths are written in the language of children.  How often in my own life I lose sight of what is truly important because I'm so caught up in 'matters of consequence' that seem so urgent in the moment.  I lose the importance of loving the person in front of me because I'm so focused on things that demand to be addressed immediately.  Another writer has called this the "Tyranny of the Urgent", and has wisely pointed out that 

"we live in constant tension between the urgent and the important.  The problem is that the important tasks rarely must be done today or even this week [...] But the urgent tasks call for instant action--endless demands pressure every hour and day."  

Urgent tasks seem to be "matters of consequence," and like the red-faced gentleman in The Little Prince, we let ourselves swell up with pride in being so busy and having so many urgent tasks to demand our time.  Urgent tasks will always clamor to be addressed in the moment, and we will feel a fleeting sense of accomplishment in being able to check them off of a to-do list.  We use this sense of achieving and producing to justify to ourselves and others why we are not focusing on what truly matters.  Urgent things are quantifiable, important things are not.  Important things take time, they rarely yield immediate rewards, and they are hard to explain to people.  But it is the important things that have the power to truly impact our lives and the lives of those around us.

When we look at the life of Jesus, we see that he consistently refused to yield to the urgent and instead focused on the important mission his Father had sent him on.  Jesus knew the heart of his Father, and he spent a great deal of time and energy in prayer and meditation before his Father to stay focused on the importance of the things his Father was concerned with.  How much more do we need to be focused on learning the heart of the Father as well!  The urgent will always crowd out the important unless we intentionally focus on Who it is that we serve and what it is that He would have us do.

My pastor recently taught on really taking the time to know Jesus and love Him, because "the degree to which we see Jesus is the degree to which we serve Him."  I can probably figure out things that God sees as important because I grew up in the Church, I read my Bible, and I had John 3:16 memorized years before I actually understood the depth of what it means.  But if I try to follow through with what I understand as being important to God without really seeing and loving Jesus, these eternally important things become mere "matters of consequence" to be ticked off of a checklist, people are essentially objectified into figures to be added up, and I lose all of the love that would have fueled my actions.  And, as Paul has said so eloquently, 

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."  (1 Corinthians 13:1-3, ESV)

All of the things Paul lists are good things, but the actions alone are not the best thing.  The best thing--the important thing--is Love.  How easy it is to lose sight of the important!  Lord, give me the grace to seek Your face and Your heart each and every day.  May I see You and love You more today than I did yesterday so that I may truly focus on the important things You put in front of me today.  I don't want to be a mushroom.

Cumulative Impact

Those familiar with the Leave No Trace (LNT) principles will know that the phrase 'cumulative impact' is frequently used to describe the effect of outdoor enthusiasts on the environments in which we play.  One hiker sidestepping a muddy patch of trail won't do much damage; but a hundred hikers sidestepping the same muddy patch will widen the trail substantially.  On the other side, one person choosing to clean up Snickers wrappers and microtrash from a campsite won't have much effect on the entire mountain range; but a hundred hikers consciously picking up after themselves (and others) will leave a much larger area in better condition.  One decision might not effect noticeable change, but the cumulative impact of decisions effects significant change.  

The same philosophy is true in one's walk with the Lord.  I cannot simply pray once and expect a deep relationship with my heavenly Father.  That relationship, like all relationships, must be intentionally cultivated.  Soren Kierkegaard notes in Fear and Trembling that his generation is losing sight of the richness of a deep faith:

 "In our time nobody is content to stop with faith but wants to go further.  It would perhaps be rash to ask where these people are going, but is is surely a sign of breeding and culture for me to assume that everybody has faith, for otherwise it would be queer for them to be...going further.  In those old days it was different, then faith was a task for a whole lifetime, because it was assumed that dexterity in faith is not acquired in a few days or weeks."

 If this was true for Kierkegaard's generation, how much more so for our generation!  I will not assume to speak for others, but I know that I have absolutely lost sight of what it means to live in a quiet daily relationship with my God.  I often find myself wanting a deeper, more intimate, more fulfilling relationship with God...but I find other pursuits to distract myself and tell myself that I'm just refusing to settle for a quiet, inconsequential faith.  I tell myself that when the timing is right, when I read the right theologians, when I can subdue my own heart, that some ambiguous day in the future I will finally "get it" and intimacy with God will happen.  I expect immediate gratification, immediate intimacy with One to whom I won't even give 5 minutes each day.  My proud heart is not content to seek the Lord in something so antiquated as daily time with Him.  

"When the tried oldster drew near to his last hour, having fought the good fight and kept the faith, his heart was still young enough not to have forgotten that fear and trembling which chastened the youth, which the man indeed held in check, but which no man quite outgrows...except as he might succeed at the earliest opportunity in going further.  Where these revered figures arrived, that is the point where everybody in our day begins to go further."

 I pray that I learn the discipline of a quiet faith.  I pray that I learn to live in the hope of intimacy.  I pray that I learn to curb my tendencies to want "go further" and instead learn that faith is a task for a whole lifetime.  I pray, hope, and know that the cumulative impact of a quiet faith is a powerful intimacy with the Lord.

Unusual Provision

It's amazing to me how quickly I stray from relying on God's strength, and how GOOD He is to remind me. 

As I was preparing to come to Laramie earlier this year, God was abundantly providing for me at every step and in ways I could never have expected or asked for!  As I'm settling in here, however, I'm falling back into relying on my own strength or my own abilities rather than choosing to remind myself that everything I have is from His hand.  God gave me a sharp reminder last Friday morning, and it's been good to get perspective from that:  I was sick all last week with a sore throat, and ended up having to go get antibiotics for it (which--credit where credit is due--my mother called it early on and told me to get to a clinic days before I actually dragged my stubborn self in).  It got to be bad enough where I would wake up several times in the middle of the night needing something to soothe my throat.  Because I wasn't getting much sleep, I overslept my alarm on Friday morning and woke up as I was supposed to be in the office for staff prayer.  I quickly texted my bosses, got dressed, and ran down to my car...and my car wouldn't start.  I had accidentally drained my battery trying to use my auto-start in -20 degree weather.  Tired, sick, frustrated with myself, and very, very late for work, my coping skills deserted me and I called my dad in tears.  Looking back on it, I feel a little foolish for how strongly I reacted to a pretty simple situation.  But it made me realize how drained I was from trying to do everything of my own strength and ability!  As strange as it may seem, it really is a mercy of God to bring me to the end of my own capacity; because it seems that it's only when I stubbornly get to the end of myself that I realize I am not enough, and can meekly turn to Him and ask for His direction and strength.

God has also been showering SROM with crazy blessings!  In preparing for our winter course next week, one of my co-workers (Jay) was calling around trying to find a somewhere that would rent mountaineering boots out and had a size 14.5.  Needless to say, not many places have boots that big in stock to rent!  We prayed as a staff to be able to find a place that would stock the size we needed and that we would be able to find favor with them for inexpensive rentals or purchases.  After a full morning of calling, Jay was finally able to get in contact with an organization who not only had the boot in stock, but was willing to sell us their line of last year's mountaineering boot at an incredible discount!  As Jay was emailing back and forth with the equipment supervisor, he turned in his chair and gave me an incredulous look and said that this guy had asked if an Olivia Zimmermann happened to work in the office.  Apparently, the equipment supervisor had gone to Wheaton and, as it turned out, I had done a wilderness trip with his wife the summer before our freshman year together!  It's great to hear how friends from Wheaton are doing after graduation, and it's always encouraging to find other Christians in the outdoor industry.  We were able to completely outfit the course we needed, as well as buy enough boots to be able to use for future winter courses!  And, just to bless us, he also threw in ice axes and said he would keep us in mind as their organization was looking to update their gear and sell their old inventory.  It's amazing how God works! 

As quick as I am to forget how abundantly God provides, He is there to draw me up short and gently remind me that He is the Source.  He definitely gets creative in how He brings me to the end of myself; He is even more creative in how He brings abundant blessings to us when we seek Him rather than our own solutions to the problems we face.

"Oh ye of little faith"

A wise friend used the phrase "obedience begets intimacy" during a group devotion one morning.  When I am feeling far from the Lord, that phrase often comes to mind and I have to be honest with myself about whether or not I have been obedient and faithful.  Not that my obedience or faithfulness merits God's favor, but my obedience does draw me closer to Him and allows me to understand more of His heart.  The more I lay my will down and seek His will, the more I want to conform all of who I am to who He calls me to be.  It's like running:  that first mile off of the couch sucks.  The second mile sucks.  Heck, maybe even the third time out, it still sucks.  But pretty soon, you start to look forward to running and you realize that those first few miles don't seem as long or grueling as they once did.  In fact, they're pretty enjoyable.  You stop looking for excuses not to run (I already showered today.  I don't have time.  It's too hot.  It's too muggy.  I just washed my running shorts.) and start making time in your schedule to get out and go.

This past week has been a lot of learning what it looks like for me to step out in faith and obey.  As I sort through clothes, papers, and knick-knacks (really? since when have I collected so many tiny useless things?), packing has become an act of faith for me.  Each time I close a box, I'm effectively saying "okay, God.  I trust that I won't need these things until I'm unpacking them in Wyoming."  Which, as the Wilderness Ministry Professional Course gets closer, feels like a bigger and bigger step of faith.  I'm just past the halfway point of where my monthly funds need to be to stay on at SROM as a full time staff member (take a moment to celebrate with me here?  I think that's definitely worthy of celebration.), which means that I will most likely not get all the funds I need by next week, and thus will be returning home after the course instead of staying out in Laramie on staff.  So much has been provided already!  But there is still so much left to go.  Packing has been a good reminder to me that all God asks of me, even still, is humble obedience as I seek greater intimacy with Him.  Yes, packing feels a little premature at this stage.  But I want to step out in obedience and in the faith that God will use this season to bring me closer to His heart.

Faith is scary.  It is not something that comes easily to me.  But I do want to set patterns of obedience in my life.  I want to start making time in my schedule to seek ways to obey, not looking for excuses to live life centered around myself.  Maybe this season of packing up all my cold weather clothes in boxes to store out in Wyoming is helping me to learn what that obedient faith looks like.  Maybe I'll just end up being cold this fall in Illinois as I wait on God's provision to be in Wyoming.  Either way, I know that He will provide everything I need...even if that doesn't necessarily look like what I think it will.  Jehovah Jireh, Lord give me the faith I need.