A wise friend used the phrase "obedience begets intimacy" during a group devotion one morning. When I am feeling far from the Lord, that phrase often comes to mind and I have to be honest with myself about whether or not I have been obedient and faithful. Not that my obedience or faithfulness merits God's favor, but my obedience does draw me closer to Him and allows me to understand more of His heart. The more I lay my will down and seek His will, the more I want to conform all of who I am to who He calls me to be. It's like running: that first mile off of the couch sucks. The second mile sucks. Heck, maybe even the third time out, it still sucks. But pretty soon, you start to look forward to running and you realize that those first few miles don't seem as long or grueling as they once did. In fact, they're pretty enjoyable. You stop looking for excuses not to run (I already showered today. I don't have time. It's too hot. It's too muggy. I just washed my running shorts.) and start making time in your schedule to get out and go.
This past week has been a lot of learning what it looks like for me to step out in faith and obey. As I sort through clothes, papers, and knick-knacks (really? since when have I collected so many tiny useless things?), packing has become an act of faith for me. Each time I close a box, I'm effectively saying "okay, God. I trust that I won't need these things until I'm unpacking them in Wyoming." Which, as the Wilderness Ministry Professional Course gets closer, feels like a bigger and bigger step of faith. I'm just past the halfway point of where my monthly funds need to be to stay on at SROM as a full time staff member (take a moment to celebrate with me here? I think that's definitely worthy of celebration.), which means that I will most likely not get all the funds I need by next week, and thus will be returning home after the course instead of staying out in Laramie on staff. So much has been provided already! But there is still so much left to go. Packing has been a good reminder to me that all God asks of me, even still, is humble obedience as I seek greater intimacy with Him. Yes, packing feels a little premature at this stage. But I want to step out in obedience and in the faith that God will use this season to bring me closer to His heart.
Faith is scary. It is not something that comes easily to me. But I do want to set patterns of obedience in my life. I want to start making time in my schedule to seek ways to obey, not looking for excuses to live life centered around myself. Maybe this season of packing up all my cold weather clothes in boxes to store out in Wyoming is helping me to learn what that obedient faith looks like. Maybe I'll just end up being cold this fall in Illinois as I wait on God's provision to be in Wyoming. Either way, I know that He will provide everything I need...even if that doesn't necessarily look like what I think it will. Jehovah Jireh, Lord give me the faith I need.
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